{"id":30737,"date":"2023-09-25T06:43:29","date_gmt":"2023-09-25T06:43:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/onelidlesseye.com\/?p=30737"},"modified":"2023-09-25T06:43:29","modified_gmt":"2023-09-25T06:43:29","slug":"kelsey-parker-on-life-after-tom-theres-no-handbook-to-being-a-widow-at-32-im-learning-to-live-again","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/onelidlesseye.com\/celebrity\/kelsey-parker-on-life-after-tom-theres-no-handbook-to-being-a-widow-at-32-im-learning-to-live-again\/","title":{"rendered":"Kelsey Parker on life after Tom: Theres no handbook to being a widow at 32 – Im learning to live again"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cIn the depths of darkness, you can still find positivity, somewhere.\u201d That\u2019s the message Kelsey Parker wants readers to take away from her debut memoir. <\/p>\n

Kelsey Parker: With And Without You is a no holds barred account of living with grief, and it details the final years she spent with the love of her life, the late Tom Parker, who passed away at the age of 33 in March 2022. <\/p>\n

While it\u2019s an incredibly emotional autobiography full of poignant memories and tough battles following her husband\u2019s 2020 diagnosis with glioblastoma [an aggressive brain tumour], the ultimate message is that even during the hardest moments of your life, you dig deep to find something to be positive about. <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t think going to see a counsellor is right for me. I\u2019m useless at that,\u201d Kelsey exclusively tells OK! \u201cBut writing the
book has actually been therapy for me. I read it back and take in the fact that this has actually been my life. Especially when Tom was ill. I was so consumed with fighting for the next day and moving forward. Getting all this down on paper has made me realise what my life has been like for the past three years. It\u2019s been really tough for me.\u201d <\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Losing your husband at 32 is something no one should have to face. But Kelsey, who has two children, Aurelia, four, and two-year-old Bodhi, with The Wanted\u2019s Tom, tries to put a positive spin on everything \u2013 even her husband\u2019s death. Including, in one particularly moving chapter of her autobiography, the
moment the singer passed away. <\/p>\n

\u201cIt was magical \u2013 he didn\u2019t die in pain,\u201d Kelsey, now 33, explains. \u201cIt was like his soul was ready to leave him and go somewhere else. It was so special to watch. It wasn\u2019t like he was struggling or anything like that. He looked amazing and he just passed over.\u201d <\/p>\n

While losing Tom at such a young age to glioblastoma was, sadly, highly likely following his diagnosis, it was something he and Kelsey never discussed. They couldn\u2019t comprehend the fact that it would end that way, because throughout his battle with cancer they were both determined to fight it. They dubbed themselves \u201cThe Positive Parkers\u201d, with Kelsey on a mission to do whatever she could for her husband. <\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\u201cMy friend said there was no stone unturned for Tom and I went to the ends of the earth to try and save him,\u201d she recalls. \u201cI flew a Spanish doctor over to see him. There was nothing I couldn\u2019t do or wouldn\u2019t have done for him. You get that from the book \u2013 that I did everything. He was my absolute world, my everything and I wanted him to live in this world with us.\u201d<\/p>\n

In another passage she mentions that she and Tom never discussed his wishes for a funeral. <\/p>\n

\u201cI think people were quite shocked by that,\u201d she says. \u201cIn our minds there was no funeral. He was always going to survive. He couldn\u2019t go there with those thoughts, so we never went there and that was it. He knew I\u2019d plan it anyway,\u201d she adds.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

As well as discussing Tom\u2019s determined fight against the disease and ultimately losing him, she also opens up about the emotional tsunami that followed. <\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s no guidebook to grief. Grief won\u2019t ever leave me; it won\u2019t go away. I\u2019m never going to wake up one day and go, \u2018Oh, Tom who?\u2019 I\u2019m learning to live around my grief. It won\u2019t get bigger, it won\u2019t get smaller, it\u2019s just going to remain the same until I die.\u201d <\/p>\n

To keep herself busy, Kelsey has her adorable children to look after. In one chapter, she contemplates the fact Aurelia and Bodhi are unlikely to have memories of their father \u2013 but she\u2019s hellbent on keeping his legacy alive. <\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s still very present in the house. His pictures are everywhere. We\u2019ve still got his book [Hope: My Inspirational Life] out and his records up. We talk about him every day. Aurelia said to me just recently, \u2018You\u2019ve always put me to bed.\u2019 And I said, \u2018No, Daddy used to put you to bed.\u2019 And I was telling her how Daddy used to look after her. Bodhi is just a mini version of Tom. He\u2019s been wearing his cap back to front, which was Tom\u2019s signature fashion statement, and his personality is so much like Tom\u2019s. He really just makes me laugh.\u201d <\/p>\n

Already following in their talented parents\u2019 footsteps \u2013 Kelsey is a trained actress and runs a performing arts school \u2013 the siblings are showing promise for a career in the spotlight. Particularly Aurelia. <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t want to be that pushy parent, but even when Tom was alive, he would say, \u2018Kels, she can sing in tune, not many kids that age can sing in tune,\u2019\u201d she says. \u201cShe loves to perform. She\u2019s just naturally gifted and so is Bodhi.\u201d <\/p>\n

Acting is another subject touched on in Kelsey\u2019s memoir \u2013 she reveals she was once a student at the acclaimed Italia Conti academy of performing arts in London. She also had small roles in EastEnders and Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban. <\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\u201cI would love to get back into acting,\u201d she tells us. \u201cFor me, I wanted to start a family and be there for Tom more, so
it took a backseat. But I was born to perform, I\u2019ve done it since I was five. That\u2019s what\u2019s nice about the book \u2013
people don\u2019t know that side of me.\u201d <\/p>\n

Of her role in Harry Potter, where she played a Hufflepuff student, Kelsey laughs, \u201cThe Harry Potter film is one that definitely resonates with the kids. They\u2019ll say to their mates, \u2018My mum was in Harry Potter.\u2019 So that\u2019s pretty cool.\u201d <\/p>\n

As she navigates the trials and tribulations of life without her husband, naturally Kelsey has found herself feeling lonely at times \u2013 particularly in the evenings when the children have gone to bed. Seeking comfort and companionship, she began a relationship with builder Sean Boggans, who she met at a wedding last summer. <\/p>\n

And while it was reported that they split in April, Kelsey tells us they\u2019re \u201cstill on really good terms\u201d and \u201csee each other a lot\u201d. <\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\u201cSean\u2019s been amazing in this whole situation because he comes from a different place,\u201d she says. \u201cWe\u2019re still seeing each other.\u201d <\/p>\n

So, are they romantically involved? <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d Kelsey replies. \u201cIt\u2019s a progression really. Who knows where it will lead\u2026\u201d <\/p>\n

Nevertheless, it\u2019s clear Sean has helped Kelsey through some hard moments and feelings of isolation in times when her family and friends aren\u2019t around her. <\/p>\n

\u201cSean\u2019s been there for me when other people can\u2019t be there for me,\u201d she says. \u201cHe\u2019s been absolutely amazing. He doesn\u2019t treat me like a widow \u2013 he treats me like a normal person and I\u2019m grateful for that.\u201d <\/p>\n

There\u2019s no doubt she\u2019s been at the receiving end of some very unsolicited opinions about her new relationship \u2013 but she brushes them off as best she can. <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve sort of put myself in a position where people are entitled to opinions,\u201d she says. \u201cI just think, \u2018Let people have their opinions.\u2019 There\u2019s no handbook on grief or how to be a widow. It\u2019s just ridiculous. Everybody is different
and we were taught that throughout Tom\u2019s treatment.\u201d <\/p>\n

However, she is keen to stress one thing: \u201cTom is irreplaceable. There will never be another Tom Parker in my life.\u201d <\/p>\n

Looking to the future isn\u2019t something on Kelsey\u2019s mind either. Tom\u2019s taught her it\u2019s all about living \u201cfor today\u201d. But right now, she\u2019s grateful to have written a book so that her children can read about their parents when they\u2019re ready. <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve done it for Aurelia and Bodhi \u2013 how cool that both their parents are published authors! When they get older, they can read the books and get a sense of mine and Tom\u2019s relationship. And I definitely think that\u2019s what you draw from my book. Tom was my everything.\u201d <\/p>\n

Kelsey Parker: With And Without You (published by Mirror Books, RRP \u00a320) is on sale Thursday<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n<\/p>\n